6 ianuarie

:| travka> zambetul tau. cu dedicatie

Travka - Zambetul tau

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editat pe 13 ianuarie,intr-o joi dupa o ora de filosofie si inca una in circ la o cafea.

Daca am fi fost doar doua concepte de existenta

Ne-am fi potrivit reciproc

Ne-am fi contopit si am fi creat un tot...

Pace si razboi,

Bocanci si flori,

Nu pot coexista unul fara celalalt.

Filozofia mea n-ar fi existat fara impulsivitatea ta

Calmul meu -fara lupta ta...

Zambetul tau fara depresia mea,

Ceaiul meu-chitara ta,

Lupta mea,lupta ta ...

Corzile mele...mana ta.

Dar nu suntem doar concepte de existenta...

Suntem existenta in forma pura.

Si ea nu poate fi subjugata de nimic.

Este un dar si un blestem

Putem la fel de bine noi ,de nimic sa nu ne legam

Putem la fel de bine sa ne legam de lucruri de nimic.

Dar ce rost are acum?

Sa vorbim despre alegeri luate mult prea demult...

4 ianuarie...sau "nu o alta scrisoare de femeiusca amorezata"

cine are ochi sa vada si minte sa inteleaga stie ca nu este o scrisoare de dragoste 8-)

Te vreau langa mine
Si-n acelasi timp te detest nespus
Stiu ca ma pot baza pe tine
Dar oamenii detesta ceea ce nu pot intelege.
Siguranta ta,imi da fiori..
Zambetul tau,ma ridica peste nori.
Ma simt ca un soarece prins intr-o cursa
Dar linistit-
-aproape de cascaval.
Imi dau seama de problemele mele de care nu eram constienta si vreau sa fug.
-Fug de ele? Fug de tine?
... Nu stiu.
Totul trebuie sa dispara.
-Sa dispara ele?Sa dispar eu?
...Nici asta nu stiu.
Si cum nu ajung la nici un consens,ma intorc.
Cred ca le-am pacalit...
Dar ma lovesc de golurile mele in fiecare punct virgula si respiratie de a ta.
Nu mai fug. Sunt aici.
-Mi-e frica de schimbare?
...poate.
-Stiu cum sa-mi pun fobiile in cuvinte?
-Nu,nici tu macar,nu poti sa ma ajuti ...
...pentru ca nu sti...
...nici eu nu stiu.
Am nevoie de ajutor si multa intelegere.
-Intelegere?
-E greu sa dai cand nu primesti.
-Am sa ma schimb?
-Nu stiu. -- trebuie sa rezolv ca sa pot sa evoluez, nu pot fugi mereu.
Te indepartez pentru ca nu ma intelegi...nu te las sa ma intelegi.
-De ce?
-Pentru ca si eu fug de mine...mi-e frica..si simt o nevoie surda sa te am langa mine.
E atat de acuta ca doare

Anunturi-obiecte pierdute

Draga Amelie,

Vroiam sa-ti scriu despre ce mai fac... dar ma gandesc sa nu irosesc aceste pagini si sa le ingreunez cu problemele mele; in schimb, am sa-ti scriu despre o intamplare ce mie mi s-a parut magica, dar doar pe moment si sper ca si tu sa regasesti cate ceva din aceasta in aceste randuri pe care ti le voi scrie... Iar daca poti -tu-, pastreaza-le 'ntr-o sticla si impartaseste-le cui ti-o fi drag , asa cum fac si eu in acest moment.

Se facea a fi sfarsit de toamna , dar deja ninsese mult, totul in jur era alb , iar drumurile erau acoperite de vata de zahar. Oamenii plecasera pesemne din oras spre statiuni caci orasul era gol. Ba nu, gresesc , o lumina intr-un varf de brad,o lumina intr-un manson in departare, confereau orasului viata si culoare.
Si plec ,pierduta-n gandurile mele si ma afund in zapada. Pan' la glezne,apoi pan" la genunchi...dar nu era frig,orasul ma chema spre el, dorea ca eu sa -i gasesc sufletul. Si m-a tot dus pe aripi de lebada si de vise,m-a dus departe si m-a lasat sa ma trezesc langa lac.
De ce acolo? -nu stiu...
"Oare sufletul sa-i fie ascuns in ape?" m-am uitat intrebatoare spre oglinda inghetata. Era crapata pe alocuri si prafuita de ninsoare. Am dat praful la oparte.
Nu era nimic, doar apa si statui ale timpilor orasului.
"Oare asta ii lipsea orasului meu,vremea sa?" -nu stiu.
Desi n-am gasit nimic,mi s-a parut ca am gasit totul. Si poate nu e asa, poate o sa gasesc odata alta particica..ca sufletul orasului meu sa fie intreg.
Pana atunci,ramai sa cauti langa mine,nu vei regreta...
A ta, Creed Annie

Lut

Un zambet, o imbratisare, un salut
Se sparge o amintire din lut...
Doua vorbe , un fum si o cafea
Pe ritmuri de primaveri pierdute
Inima unei hipioate inca valsa
Vin si lac, muzica si rosu aprins... culori acum mute.
Vrea sa stearga ceea ce nu poate fi sters
Si sa inteleaga ceea ce nu e de inteles
Vrea ca pe zmee-- sa lege anii si sa-i aduca inapoi.

Atunci cand te pierzi intr-o lume numai a ta
E greu sa gasesti drumul de evadare din ea.
Frunze,un felinar,un drum cu fum cusut...
Si te zgarie o amintire- un ciob de lut.
Scari de miliarde de secunde solide
Si sfori de memorii fluide
Zmee spulberate de vant
Corbi de ani inecati in gand.

Pierdut in lumea ta de rosu aprins
Aiurand pe carari de primavara ce demult s-au stins.

Strangers

(Somewhere at the beginning of May 2010 )



I guess now i'm finally done
All the dreams and the feelings are now gone
It was nothing more than a drug
All the embarrassing facts and happiness were just like a poisonous hug.

Now the looks had vanished too,
Looks meant "I care",we act like we don't ,but from time to time we do.
It's only our imagination
Something to lie our selfs for our own satisfaction.

We do know each other- yet we don't
We are just two strangers in search of gold.
Time to say goodbye ,hope there won't be any other poem invocations
Hope this will be the last translations...

For two strangers in search of gold

Color

(27 august 2010)

She always asked her self if each person sees the world in different light

Wheter the the color are brither if you have greenish eyes by your side

Wheter people with brownish eyes are more melancolic but they never addmit

Wheter greenish-blueish people are just lost dreamers who don't know when to quit

Wheter the color of your eyes really makes you feel realitty deeper

And if any brown eyed person is the best secrets keeper

She kept wondering if she broke the wall of words and mind...

People will think that are stupid no more- the feelings that they tend to hide

Wheter the heart gets smarter after each hert-eache

If not,why does it beat faster for another person's sake?

But all where questions,she had no time to answear..

Like the spirals of smoke,she had no one to share side with

In one gloomy spring night a stranger shown her the phantomatic dance of smoke--her heart gained speed

Yet i said,no time to answear

In the first day of autumn she died of Cancer.

The questions flew away

To another dreamers mindSalvaţi acum

Hope she writes down-the answears-if she finds.

Efemer.. sau nu

Intr-o vara se schimba multe,asa se spune.Eu ma gandeam ca e vorba de personalitatea cuiva...la asta se referea, nu?nu si la locuri si obiceiuri..
De pilda, azi mi am baut cafeaua de dimineata tot pe scarile din spatele cofetariei iar tipul de la aparatul de cafea mi a urat "bine ai revenit" si domnul de la cofetarie parea suprins si bucuros sa ma revada tot acolo dupa atata timp.
Materiile si colegii s-au schimbat si ele/ei dar in bine.
Ceea ce m-a frapat si a fost cu adevarat surprinzator e faptul ca au inchis/baricadat trecerea din spate a locului cu care aveam o legatura..cu care empatizam... si jumate din partea din fata.
M-am comformat si am luat-o prin fata.
Ca sa va explic: e un loc umbros cu masuta si bancuta ,unde eu imi luam cafeau de pranz si unde mai stateam sa mai scriu si deci sa ma descarc. Era locul meu secret,era ca un cod-- o zna care imi apartinea in intregime mie.
Am spart acest cod doar de doua ori.
Odata cu o persoana in care aveam incredere ca va respecta locul si secretul si ,odata cu niste boboace..in care ma vedeam pe mine cand eram de varsta lor.
A doua oara a fost fatal pentru siguranta secretului meu ,locul s-a aglomerat de boboci care scrumau pe jos,faceau gunoi si ascultau muzica tare--asa ca au fost luate aceste masuri.

Acum nu mai e nimeni. Dar gradina nu mi mai apartine intru totul. ACUM are un gardian.
-o pisica alba din ceramica,cu ochii infioratori de albastrii,sta si priveste foarte atenta,cu suspiciune ,dintr-un colt al gradinii, spunand ca acest teritoriu ii apartine pe deplin.-

p.s pe mine m-a bagat in sperieti prima data pentru ca arata extrem de reala(cred ca asta era si scopul)

A highschool day-or abut' freedom

(posted 14 septembrie)

There should be the rules- better thinked or to rewrite them.

From where came the idea of not letting anyone go out of school between the classes?
They have a notice that you weren't there- so why to bother?
You have a free hour between the classes and you are not even allowed to escape-go drink a coffee and come back.
After all it's your problem if and how you organize your time before the Bad-Adventure-Curse. And if you want to drink a freekin' coffee in your spare time..you should be allowed to do so .
How abut freedom? the freedom of expressing your own ideas and making them real?
Besides if your fuckin' sleepy how do they even expect(not demand) us to pay attention--'cause this is an important year and so.
Fuck it..fuck that (won't fuck tha headmaster-she's a bitch) the hell with her rules
Long live anarchy 'till the rules are changed

Terror's claw

(posted on 11 September)

48 Hours till the nightmare beguns.
A nightmare can be named an exam or a test.
But of those you can escape quickly.
My nightmare will last one hole year and the decisions will i make/will i take in this nightmare will have effect on my real life.
It's kind of the Freddy Kruger story,but not that melodramatic, I mean I won't die in the end( hope, at least) but may destroy my hole future.
In this nightmare i have to endure tests of my logical and unlogical strength.
I have to forget all i've learned and yet remember it all.
This nightmare will end with a breakdown called the B.A.C (Bad-Adventure-Curse)
If my mind won't brake into millions of little pieces and if the claws of fear and stress won't make me commit the ultimate gest of life for which i started to smoke and
If i manage to wake up after 12 months with my life still being my life...
I promise to let you know.
We will meet right here ,on this bench ,next to the supermarket we used to hang out and I will say that I succeeded and that everything is alright and I will tell you how to defeat the curse
And you will hug me and we will forget about it all..in a glass of aromatic boiled wine

Autumn

(posted 2 september)

Smiles thrown in the wind
Stairs to haven - hard to build
Faces and memories- hard to forget
Point in life where you have nothing to regret
-Incomplete with having everything-
Little words and laughs lost around the grass and trees
Searching for happiness pills.

a reason

why haven't i written anything for a while?well,i did. but foolishly- I forgotten my password .but it's all fix now..new password :) i'll begin with today.but than i will probably post the other things i written .sorry for my english not being perfect. i'm a lil bit in a hurry;).

The third day of school..or abut things that are called mistakes.

I had an unpredicted test at English today.One of the subjects was talking about how life gives you the best lessons or how the best lessons about life are learnt by your own experience and giveing examples.
Everybody had a different subject.
I think the teacher gave me that subject on purpose-to see if i understand where have i really made mistakes in my life and if I regret or if i have the chance not to repeat them in the future.
She will be disappointed - I kept it plain.
Of course I done mistakes and things i'm not proud of,but i have my pride ! I'm a leo for cow's sake-- of course I will never admit that I regret some stuff-specially in front of my teacher.
Yet i said a true thing in the paper--we never actually listen to advices given by the oldish.(not actually suits our personalitty)
So now i had fun at highschool but i haven't learnt much and my grades are poopish ,so it is a posibillity i won't get to the University I want (and this is not a thing i can fix).
Of course i miss faces and voices that I was too proud and stupid to keep by myside.
Of course I regret being sooo "the not understanded bohemian teenager" -lonely wolf ;because now i don't have close friends in highschool.
I regret many though i won't change many.-
Because in the future present me- won't be me anylonger-
And i like "me" with good and bads.

Article about an unusual holiday..aka Rain dance

First we must start with a definition of the word unusual.There are many kinds of things people call unusual .Seeing a ghost is unusual ,falling in love is unusual,seeing someone dying,a face to face talk with a bear might be unusual.
Sorry to ruin your fun though,I won't talk of any of these subjects.My holiday was trully something unique because it helped me see things that others might call usual in a hole new perspective(new means unusual)
Of course talking about all my holiday would be pointless.So i'll talk about that very own day when I made this special discovery .

It was raining -nothing special you might add. But have you ever stopped running when being in the middle of the storm just to watch the world around you ?

Rain makes people dance ! Some of them are making pirouettes trying to avoid the puddle,some of them are making reverences and lunges with their umbrellas trying to avoid the huge amount of raindrops that hit them with the speed of each furious car passing by.
People waiting at the buss station are shaking-shaking like crazy on a coregrafy full of rythm--probably trying to avoid cold entering into their bones.
Looked from above a rainy day it's seen like a big dance hall full of tangoing umbrellas.

Isn't it funny that something as common as rain,that from time to time transforms your mood into a cake of mellancoly can be a fabulous creative,new and interesting dance for your body?
I might sound crazy,but do me a favor: next time it rains dont run away hidding from it-- accept it and enjoy the show;)